An honest me // Jesus wrecked my life

It's funny that today's topic of "get real. share something you're struggling with" falls just one day after I listened to Beth Moore's 'A More Honest Me' LPL series. As only as life would have it, no? So here goes being a more honest me and getting real. Something I'm struggling with...what in the world am I doing? You see, just 3 short years ago I had my entire life all planned out: I would be living in Colorado, working in the sports industry as a marketing exec for a Major League baseball team and happily married with 2-3 kids. Not to mention a hefty bank account. But then, Jesus wrecked my life. Wrecked it.

Within a month's time that would-be-husband and I broke up, my entry level sports business marketing job came to an end, and I was left alone in Colorado with no job, no boyfriend, and certainly without a hefty bank account. So I did the only thing I could...I moved home and back in with my parents at the age of twenty-three. Something that certainly wasn't what I had planned for my life. In fact, it was the complete opposite of what I had planned. I was supposed to be well on my way to adulthood at this point. But Jesus wrecked that - He shattered everything I thought my life would be.

And then the weirdest thing happened: He began to put it back together, piece by piece, into something much more beautiful than I could have ever imagined. He lovingly led me down a path that I always thought was far too big a dream and out of reach for a girl like me. He reminded me that I should never settle for dreaming too small, chasing too little or being content with what I can do with my own two hands. He reminded me who I am, whose I am and about His plan for my life.

He wants me to be a doctor, to be His hands and feet and to serve the least of these. He spoke it over me a mere year after I returned home from Colorado, just when I thought I had lost everything. He took that opportunity of me being stripped down to nothing to fill me back up in the most fulfilling way. And trust me, being a doctor is the most outrageous, ridiculous sounding thing I have ever heard. But I trust Him wholeheartedly, so a doctor I will be. And in just three short weeks I hit the 'submit' button on my medical school applications after finishing up my post-bacc education that has overtaken the last 2 years of my life. Crazy.

So back to the question of what I'm struggling with. Well, walking in faith, toughing it out and following Him with complete abandon when I have no idea where He's going, where this thing ends, and what exactly my future is going to look like. The question of, "just what exactly am I doing?" I'm struggling with staying patient and containing my excitement for what He's doing with my life. But I am absolutely positive that this struggle is a good struggle - a struggle of faith and walking with Him with reckless abandon. This life He has for me is beyond anything I could have dreamed up. And it took a struggle to get here, but I'm thrilled beyond measure with it.

A Favorite Photo

 

Easy! This photo has been one of my all-time favorites since my friend, Katie, came across it years ago while digging through her old pictures. I don't even know how old we were here, but it brings back all sorts of memories from my childhood. Like how we used to ride back and forth on our rollerblades between each other's houses on the bike path, or how we used to have neighborhood-wide water balloon fights in the summers. Or our annual neighborhood vacations, Christmas parties, and Fourth of July parties. Goes without saying, we were pretty blessed with an amazing childhood full of close friends. And this pictures, brings back all of those memories.

Where my Happiness is found

Most of the time I'm a pretty joyful person. It's not uncommon to find me singing to myself, dancing in the kitchen while cooking or laughing at absolutely nothing just for the sake of laughing. There's a whole lot of things in life that make my heart spill over with happiness, but for today's challenge I wanted to list some of the 'little' things that make me happy.

        

My happiness is often found:
+ in a good cup of coffee in the morning - and I mean good, Portland-good
+ when I'm running, because that's when I do most of my thinking, thought-processing, and often praying
+ when I'm in school, because even though it's currently taking over my life, I really do enjoy the education system and believe whole-heartedly in the power of being educated
+ when I'm playing with Dakota at the park, in the pool or anywhere outdoors, because seeing her happy makes my happiness overflow
+ when I spend the first part of my mornings reading the Bible, because Truth begins to wash over me and I remember who and whose I am.
+ during the early morning hours, when the world is still and all is quiet
+ when my brother is home from college, because he makes me laugh harder than anyone in the world
+ when I get the opportunity to unexpectedly give to someone, whether in a big or small way
+ when my room and house is clean. I am so unproductive and grouchy when my living space is messy and unkept
+ when I'm writing to my sweet Florri in Haiti, whom I sponsor through Compassion International. Receiving letters from her is another moment of sheer joy

Carr Ford Road & Missouri

I miss a whole lot of things: Colorado, my amazing friends in Denver, life as a student at University of Oregon, my college roommates, my cousin Jake, my childhood dog Brittney, running half marathons, having my own apartment, Word of Life Christian Center, working full-time, reading for fun, etc. But when I saw the topic for today's post on the blog everyday in May challenge, one specific place came to mind almost instantly....Carr Ford Road.

Carr Ford Road is located in Missouri, and is the address to one of my family's properties. It's actually the street that my Grandma grew up on and is now home to one of my cousins and his family. It's just a 5 minute car ride away from where Grandma's current property is, which is the place she raised her family (my Dad and his siblings). We travel out there almost every year to pay a visit and every single time I'm heartbroken when it comes time to leave. You could say it's a place that holds my heart, and I'm almost certain I'll have some sort of place of residence out there one day.

 

Grandma's dirt road

 

Some of Grandma's property

 

The ol' farm dog hard at work guarding the property

Amarillo sky

A Moment in my Day

In between study sessions, work, and class I'm usually found doing this: Bible reader in the morning and ball-throwing, swimming-supervising fur-mama in the afternoons. Especially since the weather has been in the 80's these last few weeks. Dakota and I are real good at soaking up every ounce of sun we can get our hands on.