It's funny that today's topic of "get real. share something you're struggling with" falls just one day after I listened to Beth Moore's 'A More Honest Me' LPL series. As only as life would have it, no? So here goes being a more honest me and getting real. Something I'm struggling with...what in the world am I doing? You see, just 3 short years ago I had my entire life all planned out: I would be living in Colorado, working in the sports industry as a marketing exec for a Major League baseball team and happily married with 2-3 kids. Not to mention a hefty bank account. But then, Jesus wrecked my life. Wrecked it.
Within a month's time that would-be-husband and I broke up, my entry level sports business marketing job came to an end, and I was left alone in Colorado with no job, no boyfriend, and certainly without a hefty bank account. So I did the only thing I could...I moved home and back in with my parents at the age of twenty-three. Something that certainly wasn't what I had planned for my life. In fact, it was the complete opposite of what I had planned. I was supposed to be well on my way to adulthood at this point. But Jesus wrecked that - He shattered everything I thought my life would be.
And then the weirdest thing happened: He began to put it back together, piece by piece, into something much more beautiful than I could have ever imagined. He lovingly led me down a path that I always thought was far too big a dream and out of reach for a girl like me. He reminded me that I should never settle for dreaming too small, chasing too little or being content with what I can do with my own two hands. He reminded me who I am, whose I am and about His plan for my life.
He wants me to be a doctor, to be His hands and feet and to serve the least of these. He spoke it over me a mere year after I returned home from Colorado, just when I thought I had lost everything. He took that opportunity of me being stripped down to nothing to fill me back up in the most fulfilling way. And trust me, being a doctor is the most outrageous, ridiculous sounding thing I have ever heard. But I trust Him wholeheartedly, so a doctor I will be. And in just three short weeks I hit the 'submit' button on my medical school applications after finishing up my post-bacc education that has overtaken the last 2 years of my life. Crazy.
So back to the question of what I'm struggling with. Well, walking in faith, toughing it out and following Him with complete abandon when I have no idea where He's going, where this thing ends, and what exactly my future is going to look like. The question of, "just what exactly am I doing?" I'm struggling with staying patient and containing my excitement for what He's doing with my life. But I am absolutely positive that this struggle is a good struggle - a struggle of faith and walking with Him with reckless abandon. This life He has for me is beyond anything I could have dreamed up. And it took a struggle to get here, but I'm thrilled beyond measure with it.