Many of you have been asking if I've received my letter yet - the one I've been anxiously waiting weeks for and have mentioned many times here on my blog. The one that's been causing me to sit in front of the windows and wait for the mailman, and then run to the mailbox like a little kid everyday. The one that has taken over much of my thoughts for the past few months and has been the culprit of my not-so-great concentration. Well, I finally received that letter on Friday and I want to share my heart with you.
It did not bring good news. And to say I was upset would be more than correct. I was pretty devastated, although I did a good job of hiding it.
Kentucky was my number one physical therapy school of choice. It's close to my family in Missouri and is the school that I have this feeling within me that that's where I'm supposed to go. It was one of those things that I just knew that I knew. And when I first applied to physical therapy school in September of last year for admittance this upcoming fall, I knew it would be a long shot because I was just beginning to get my pre-med prerequisites out of the way. In fact, at the time I applied I only had about 40% of the prereqs complete, which is nothing in the world of medicine. I figured if I maintained my 4.0 pre-med GPA it would counteract the fact that I wouldn't have them all complete until June. But I was wrong.
It's one of those things that I look back on and say, "Gee, God. I thought you had this one in the bag." After all, I felt His hand on this the whole entire way. There were even moments, that I will neglect to share with you, that made me realize just how ordained this path was, because those things wouldn't have happened if it wasn't. There was just something deep down within me that thought I would somehow get in, especially when I knew that this was God's will for me.
There was one evening that I was on the phone with a close friend, sharing my heart and how nervous I was after receiving denial letter after denial letter. I was still waiting on my top two schools and was so anxious - one of those schools being Kentucky. As soon as I got off the phone with her, I felt deep down inside God asking me, "Why don't you think that I can get you into your number one school?" I thought about it and couldn't really come up with an answer to Him, besides "because I'm not the kind of girl that gets into her number one school. I've never been that girl. I'm not that lucky." Looking back now, I realize why I didn't think He could get me in. It wasn't that I didn't think He could, it was that I didn't think He would.
Throughout this whole thing, and still now, I know that this is God's will for me - to pursue physical therapy. The only problem was that I didn't know when God's will would pan out, and I just assumed it would come to pass this very year. But sometimes, more often than not, God's promises aren't fulfilled in the way we envision them to be fulfilled. And this is one of those times.
So I'm still waiting on one last school, but I have a feeling that it will bring the same news the other seven did: great application, but finish your pre-requisites. And if that's the case, I will trust that God knows what He is doing - because that is something I definitely know that I know. He knows what I need better that I know what I need, and I will walk the path He lays before me, even if that means having to reapply next year for physical therapy school. So I'm going to trust His plan now more than ever, because there is nothing else I can do.