February 27, 2012

The Letter


Many of you have been asking if I've received my letter yet - the one I've been anxiously waiting weeks for and have mentioned many times here on my blog. The one that's been causing me to sit in front of the windows and wait for the mailman, and then run to the mailbox like a little kid everyday. The one that has taken over much of my thoughts for the past few months and has been the culprit of my not-so-great concentration. Well, I finally received that letter on Friday and I want to share my heart with you.

It did not bring good news. And to say I was upset would be more than correct. I was pretty devastated, although I did a good job of hiding it.

Kentucky was my number one physical therapy school of choice. It's close to my family in Missouri and is the school that I have this feeling within me that that's where I'm supposed to go. It was one of those things that I just knew that I knew. And when I first applied to physical therapy school in September of last year for admittance this upcoming fall, I knew it would be a long shot because I was just beginning to get my pre-med prerequisites out of the way. In fact, at the time I applied I only had about 40% of the prereqs complete, which is nothing in the world of medicine. I figured if I maintained my 4.0 pre-med GPA it would counteract the fact that I wouldn't have them all complete until June. But I was wrong.

It's one of those things that I look back on and say, "Gee, God. I thought you had this one in the bag." After all, I felt His hand on this the whole entire way. There were even moments, that I will neglect to share with you, that made me realize just how ordained this path was, because those things wouldn't have happened if it wasn't. There was just something deep down within me that thought I would somehow get in, especially when I knew that this was God's will for me.

There was one evening that I was on the phone with a close friend, sharing my heart and how nervous I was after receiving denial letter after denial letter. I was still waiting on my top two schools and was so anxious - one of those schools being Kentucky. As soon as I got off the phone with her, I felt deep down inside God asking me, "Why don't you think that I can get you into your number one school?" I thought about it and couldn't really come up with an answer to Him, besides "because I'm not the kind of girl that gets into her number one school. I've never been that girl. I'm not that lucky." Looking back now, I realize why I didn't think He could get me in. It wasn't that I didn't think He could, it was that I didn't think He would.

Throughout this whole thing, and still now, I know that this is God's will for me - to pursue physical therapy. The only problem was that I didn't know when God's will would pan out, and I just assumed it would come to pass this very year. But sometimes, more often than not, God's promises aren't fulfilled in the way we envision them to be fulfilled. And this is one of those times.

So I'm still waiting on one last school, but I have a feeling that it will bring the same news the other seven did: great application, but finish your pre-requisites. And if that's the case, I will trust that God knows what He is doing - because that is something I definitely know that I know. He knows what I need better that I know what I need, and I will walk the path He lays before me, even if that means having to reapply next year for physical therapy school. So I'm going to trust His plan now more than ever, because there is nothing else I can do.

12 comments:

  1. Oh Nicole. I am so so sorry. But you are handling this beautifully. You are so right, it will happen how God wants it to. It's so hard not being able to see what His will is. But once things do happen it all makes sense... or sometimes it doesn't. Just know that He knows what you need. I'm here if you need to talk! :)

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  2. As the wife of a fellow physical therapy student, I fully sympathize with the disappointment you're feeling right now. My husband got accepted to every school he applied to, sans interview, BUT the one we wanted- the one that would keep us at home with our families. And he was DEVASTATED, to say the least. I've never seen him so sad. But you know what? It turned out to be SUCH a huge blessing. We've really enjoyed our time "away", and experiencing new people and places. I hope that this will turn out to be a good experience for you- God always knows what he's doing!

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  3. I know it must be hard. I am praying for you. Trust in God's plan because he always knows what is best for us :)

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  4. sorry to hear that.
    keeping you in my thoughts and sending some juju your way

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  5. Nicole,

    Thank you so much for this post. This past Friday I actually found out I didn't get an internship, which I need to finish up my own doctorate. It's devastating; but like you said, "more often than not, God's promises aren't fulfilled in the way we envision them...". Thankful for your words of faith, as they encourage me in my own troubling times.

    Thanks :)

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  6. Nicole, I'm so sorry to read about this and knowing just how set on this school you have been, but trust me, there is a reason behind everything and God definitely knows what is in store for you, and when the time will be right! Sending you a big hug and lots of love!

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  7. Oh man, that is really frustrating and i know you must be feeling it, but i must say your outlook is awesome! I love how you can have the viision to see that just because it isnt happening like you pictured it it doesnt mean God lead you the wrong way. He definitely will fulfill all of his promises so keep up the good work, girl!!

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  8. Oh love, I'm so sorry to hear this news. But you've got such a great head on your shoulders, and I know you're going to do so many amazing things. It may take some time, but everything in life will pan out for you. I just know it in my bones. Keep your spirits up, darling. Who knows, maybe you'll get a surprise.

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  10. Hi Nicole! I'm Brittany a new follower of yours! I'm so sorry about your letter from UK. Don't give up!! I look forward to reading more!

    P.S. Dakota reminds me so much of my dog Pete!!

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  11. Sorry to hear that Nicole. You are right though, it's all in God's plan and you have to trust in that. Praying that you hear good news soon!

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  12. Hey Nicole,

    I had a similar experience with Nursing schools. I was turned down three times; in the end I discovered God doing a new thing for me. I know you know this but God is NOT "winging it" with your life. He's got everything under control, weaving things together for our good and His glory; the hardest part is waiting on Him. Psalm 62:1-2, 5-8 have always been a huge source of encouragement and comfort as I wait on the Lord. I'll keep you in my prayers as you wait on Him. Blessings!!

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